Rules of the gym change-room

Ah gym change-rooms – fraught with unwritten rules and public nudity. If you enjoy anarchy and nudity, these unwritten rules have been written specifically for you:

Gym showers

Leave your hair-washing, shaving and exfoliating at home. Showers in gyms should be strictly functional: rinsing and general de-stinking. Are you bending over in a public shower to shave? Do you realise these shower doors only start at your knees? Well now you do.

Nudity in change-rooms

If you have mastered the witch-craft of getting changed while draped in a towel – kudos to you (and thank-you). For the rest of us, when getting changed the rule is this: the very nano-second your clothes are off, the dressing process begins; conversations or any other activity are not to be instigated during this process. The other rule of nudity – that actually should be a written rule, is this: when naked, both feet must be in contact with the floor at all times.

Phones in the change-room

If you must be on your phone because you’re very busy and important and you don’t give a shit you’re naked, with one foot on the bench and everyone can hear your conversation – then live your best (if not inconsiderate) life. But face-time? Just No. This is a true story – I could not make this up.

Thank you for your feedback…

And thank you in advance for the “I’m-not-ashamed-of-my-body-I-don’t-have-anyting-you-don’t-have” comments. Right-on. I’m not ashamed either. I have seen boobs before too. But please consider those that may not wish to be in the presence of your fanny waving around at 630am on a Monday morning.