This one sentence makes me hate everything & everyone

Bet you didn’t think I could get this enraged at a single sentence eh? Watch and learn: 

[email received on 19 October 2018]:  

Summer is coming Marie and if you’re like us, you’ll want a perky booty for all those weekend beach trips!

First of all: I hate summer.

Second of all: how did you get my email address?

Third of all: “a perky booty?” I can’t even. This dumb phrase is up there with #fitspo.

Fourth of all: beach trips? The closest body of water I live near is a man-made lake consisting of 3-things: blue-green algae, shopping trolleys and dead bodies.

Fifth of all: I am not “like you” which is the sole reason I have started this blog.

Sixth of all: if I wanted a “perky booty” for “summer” I would have fucken started the process a hell of a lot earlier than 5-weeks out.

Seventh of all: other than being able to squat you and your #fitfam, I don’t care what my “booty” looks like.

Eighth of all: I don’t like doing things on the weekend anyway let alone travelling interstate for the pleasure of collecting sand in my vag.

Ninth of all: who am I trying to impress with a “perky booty” at 39 anyway? I’m cranky and over it.

Tenth of all: If I DID want to “go away on all those weekend beach trips” it sure as hell wouldn’t be dependent on my ass and what you think of it.