Bet you didn’t think I could get this enraged at a single sentence eh? Watch and learn:
[email received on 19 October 2018]:
Summer is coming Marie and if you’re like us, you’ll want a perky booty for all those weekend beach trips!
First of all: I hate summer.
Second of all: how did you get my email address?
Third of all: “a perky booty?” I can’t even. This dumb phrase is up there with #fitspo.
Fourth of all: beach trips? The closest body of water I live near is a man-made lake consisting of 3-things: blue-green algae, shopping trolleys and dead bodies.
Fifth of all: I am not “like you” which is the sole reason I have started this blog.
Sixth of all: if I wanted a “perky booty” for “summer” I would have fucken started the process a hell of a lot earlier than 5-weeks out.
Seventh of all: other than being able to squat you and your #fitfam, I don’t care what my “booty” looks like.
Eighth of all: I don’t like doing things on the weekend anyway let alone travelling interstate for the pleasure of collecting sand in my vag.
Ninth of all: who am I trying to impress with a “perky booty” at 39 anyway? I’m cranky and over it.
Tenth of all: If I DID want to “go away on all those weekend beach trips” it sure as hell wouldn’t be dependent on my ass and what you think of it.
BOOM.
Wretched 