No lornajane.com.au, I’m afraid they won’t:
Probiotic rich foods – natural yoghurt, kefir, sauerkraut, tempeh, miso and kimchi
“I lost my job, backed over my cat and my car broke down”.
“Oh you poor thing, here have some chopped pickled cabbage”.
Let’s try this scenario again….this time with a less shitty outcome:
“I lost my job, backed over my cat and my car broke down”.
“Oh you poor thing, here have a slab of Krispy Kreme bread pudding with espresso whipped cream”.
Prebiotic rich foods – leeks, onions, garlic, psyllium, asparagus and oat bran
Other than making your wee smell funny, I cannot find joy in any single one of these foods. And to be fair – making my wee smell funny doesn’t give me that much joy.
Wholegrains (brown rice, quinoa, barley, freekeh) and vegetables
I’m so sad for you if these above foods bring you joy 😦 I mean have you heard of: “biscuits”.
Spices – saffron and turmeric
Hey tumeric – fuck off. You’ve already ruined lattes. Plus everyone knows that cinnamon is the best spice out of you lot, please refer to: Cinnamon toast and Cinnamon scroll.
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Olive oil doesn’t specifically make me happy, however the foods it accompanies/lathers/drowns, olive oil brings brings happiness by association…so…ok.
Wretched 