Dear activewear designers

Have you ever been to a gym?

May I please request: a nicely cut pair of gym shorts that will neither expose my vagina, nor make me look like I’m wearing a pair of straight leg, down to my knees mum shorts that wouldn’t look out of place paired with socks and sandals.

May I please advise: Shorts with in-built underwear is fine, preferable even (see above fear of exposing said vagina) – but in-built tights that hang below the line of the shorts? That is the hardest-of-hard-no’s and is the mummest of mum looks on the planet. No offense mum.

May we please be done with: Positive quotes on singlets. We’ve been through this before. I would honestly prefer a giant dick on my singlet* than see the words “I don’t sweat, I sparkle”.

May we please scrap: Frumpy. Shapeless. Muscle back singlets. You know, they’re kinda-sorta tight at the top and tent-the-fuck-outward at the bottom. Hideous. For punters that enjoy these shapeless monstrosities to “hide” themselves: you are doing yourself no favours when you schlep on one of these. You are better off going for something slightly more fitted and straight up and down.

My we please add: one extra inch of fabric to the bottom of cropped tees. Come on man – one extra inch of fabric at the bottom of those cropped tees would literally put 90% of your garments back in commission for most of the population.  

May we please downsize: Abso-fucking-lutely giant logos – double no if it’s a particularly ugly logo. Unless you’re paying me to wear your brand – please keep your logo smaller than my entire abdomen.

*in all honesty – I would prefer neither.

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