I’m overwhelmed. And bored

And for some reason very angry.

Eat these 10 foods, do these top 3 exercises, snort these crystals, insert this vegetable, does your workout spark joy? No I don’t like them, I don’t want to, is that even safe, wait what? And for the record: mostly no.

I’m just overwhelmed; there is too much information. I’m bored; there is too much of the same information.  No wonder we’re on the collective sofa, watching the collective Netflix, eating the collective block of Cadbury crème egg chocolate.

Scrap that: no collective chocolate. I don’t share that shit.

To save you the trouble of scrolling, reading, clicking, liking, commenting and sharing the same shit on a different day just with a different bikini on a different beach with a selfie at a different angle, here you go: eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full, move everyday doing things you mildly enjoy and refuse to use the word wellness because…well…it’s not even a fucking word. You aren’t an idiot – you know what you are meant to be doing to not be a jaundiced, lacklustre dead shit. Sorry to be harsh – but it’s not that complicated. Don’t look for excuses to make it complicated. Because it’s not.

Unless …

The only time the nuances of fitness and nutrition really matter is if you are an Olympic athlete and your livelihood depends on your face being on a cereal box which is contingent on you coming first in [insert event here] and therefore having to shave 0.01 nano-seconds off your time. Then yes – snort vegan Himalayan crouching tiger rare powder to gain an edge. But fuck – if you’re just a normal person – who gives a fuck if the latest craze is HIIT and you hate it? If you hate it, don’t do it. Do any other 17-billion things that are considered moving your ass.

And I’ve just figured out why I’m angry. Some fucker has eaten my crème egg chocolate*.

*that fucker is me.