It’s time to graduate people! The gym can be a foreign place of unwritten rules and strange smells. While I can’t necessarily help you with the smells, what I can do is help make this publicly used domain as harmonious and pleasant as possible by making these previously unwritten rules explicit.   Just in case … Continue reading Gym Etiquette 102 →

This article first appeared on Mamamia on 13 February 2022 as "I'm a PT. Here's exactly what workout you should try according to your mood today". Self-medicating via the gym isn’t what it sounds like. Well it is kinda, but I’m talking less about prescriptions and more about push-ups. I’m talking about when you’re having … Continue reading A workout for every mood →

During COVID we got into the habit (or not) of working out at home. Here are 3 reasons you need to go back to the (actual) gym. STAT. One of 2 things happened when gyms closed at the height of COVID: You didn’t skip a beat and continued your exercise regime at home. Who are … Continue reading 3 reasons it’s time to go back to the (actual) gym →

We are so quick to give up on our fitness goals because we are conditioned to glamorise the 2% but not the 98% I had an epiphany today. I’m learning to juggle kettlebells (well at this stage in the learning curve they are juggling me). Anyway, it’s as cool as it sounds. As you can … Continue reading Time to glamorise UNSEXY →

With gyms reopening soon, I feel it’s my duty as someone with anger management issues and an internet connection to warn you of the impending fuckery that will non-consensually invade your senses as you innocently scroll social media in search of actual good things: cob-loaves and dudes getting nailed in the nuts with random objects. … Continue reading Are you REALLY ready for gyms to open??? →

And you thought Wretched was just full of curses and rage. Shame on you. I’d like to start a recipe series called “It doesn't taste shit, has ingredients from the normal person supermarket & won't make you fat”. Catchy eh? “Healthy recipes” go one of two ways: They are tasty as fuck, but have 31 … Continue reading NEW recipe series (warning: useful content) →

Fitness types can be real self-righteous pricks. Typically I can scroll past their platitudes and laugh it off/write really scathing shit about them in relative anonymity – but in these isolation times, the sheer volume of this self-righteousness is off the fucken Richter: and I. Am. Not. Coping. So in a refreshing twist, below is … Continue reading The NOT To Do List →

I guess I took a hiatus from Wretched because I stopped being mad – turns out that is untrue. I was just a lazy fuck and all that madness has been dormant all this time and has been utterly triggered by Iso and the ENDLESS FUCKING POSTS ABOUT YOUR BORING AS FUCK HOME WORKOUT. I … Continue reading No. One. Cares. →

I look at social media. Then I look at the gym. Then I look back at social media. And then I look back at the gym. Then I look at social media once more. And then I look at the gym once more. And then I just think: no. I look at social media: and … Continue reading What you see is not what you get →

And for some reason very angry. Eat these 10 foods, do these top 3 exercises, snort these crystals, insert this vegetable, does your workout spark joy? No I don’t like them, I don’t want to, is that even safe, wait what? And for the record: mostly no. I’m just overwhelmed; there is too much information. … Continue reading I’m overwhelmed. And bored →